Are we as a community of swipers, sliders and real-lifers crying out for a voice?

We yearn for intentionality.

For honesty.

For clarity.

We are Augustus Gloop, bouyed by conversation in the river-of-courage, floating through Willy Wonka’s match-making Factory craving something real.

The response to The Schtipping Point has been mighty and magnificently one-sided: Women.

Is it a reflection of the state of dating?

Do men have thoughts?

Should I have deployed a female avatar onto the apps to collect answers in the name of science?

Or are we all just lacking the feeling we prayed doom swiping promises but never delivers, to feel seen.

Who knows.

This is just the diary of a man reassessing his career direction and a neglected to-do list because of the insight bombs of the aggrieved.

But before I divulge my data, allow me to share my scientific method so you can interpret with a critical eye.

For my role here is not to machine gun, but to platform perspectives that feed your own discussion.

Not that you need any encouragement, it seems The Schtipping Point is doing more rounds inside group chats than middle-management at a Christmas party.

I digress.

To invite said discussion from those subjected to the Schtip, I put my feelers to the interwebs.

Instagram nibbled at the ear.

LinkedIn wouldn’t make eye contact.

But the Hinge-Hotline took to The Schtipping Point like a quarter-life crisis returning from a 10-day silence retreat, loudly.

Turns out the isolated choir discovered the song they’d been humming alone was, in fact, a chorus.

And so on behalf of humanity I offered my homepage in service of Schtippers and Schtippees alike, as the voice notes of midnight psychologists rolled in.

Chains of audio that deserve real-estate on Audible.

Emails of opinions that warranted an executive summary (see final submission).

Eventually The Schtipping Point hit its own boiling point that gave the impression to this author we should in fact chat about it.

So go on - suck us up a tube, churn us into fudge, and let the Letters From The Field begin!

Myer-Briggs

“My take is that at the end of the day you’re the only person who has control and responsibility over your own feelings. Also you’re an ENFJ”

Stomach Dropper

“My stomach dropped at the “my housemates are out tonight” message because that is so real. Short term gain, long term pain. I think individualism and the “you don’t owe anybody anything” mentality growing in society has a lot to explain for.”

Dad

“Lovely thinking and writing. I have a few thoughts (mainly around insecurity) Send to The Age!”

Correct Use

“Well, truthfully I just schtipped (am I using it right) someone first round without courage and then with courage so I felt insanely seen by this. Vulnerability, rejection, communication, asking for what you what- all scary and all baseline what we need more of. I feel like your platform speaks to all of those things in every area of life.”

THIS is ‘Dignity’ (Any Simpson’s fans amongst the pigeons)

“Oh man, I have so much to say about this. I feel like you've articulated everything rather perfectly from the other side. Or at least you're calling attention to the person who feels it coming and yet avoids it for whatever purpose, even if it's okay to end up not together. Most people are just afraid to have the conversation and communicate, and that is the problem. It's scary to say ‘What do you want?’ or to even start at the beginning with intention, I think. I can only say as a woman in her thirties, I feel like if I were to sit down at a table and right away tell somebody what I'm looking for, they would assume that I'm ready to marry them, which isn't true. But after the laundry list of things you put, when it starts to get hazy of what is happening, it becomes scarier to speak up. And let's be real, most people's gut is always correct, like feeling like something is done. And if one person doesn't have the courage to call it what it is, makes it worse. And that's why people rage or assume rather than have a conversation. But we can still leave with some sort of dignity and be human to each other.”

Recently Single

“So insightful and particularly interesting (and disappointing? As in that this happens the other way, too) to hear this from a males' perspective. I definitely thought it would be us women doing the schtipping (all of the “I won’t settle”, “I know what I want” etc etc). I’m of the impression that (apologies in advance for the general statement) men are more of the ghosting type? I’m not talking from personal experience (yet. Just recentlyish become single). But from what I hear: it’s a scary world out there.”

Owen Sheers

“Well, that was an interesting read. I’m an English teacher, and your reflections actually reminded me of the poem Winter Swans by Owen Sheers. Less about dating, but very much about the art of meaningful communication.”

Single is simple

“Wow, incredibly written exploration piece about dating by you, kudos! Please send this to every male in Melbourne hahah I’ve actually been completely off dating for the past 4ish months because of a lot of the nuances you unpack - feels easier at this point to be single than to teach emotionally unavailable men how to effectively communicate my soul simply cant hack it anymore. Need way more men creating safe, open and honest platforms/communities/groups for other men. I know its a blanket statement and a lot of women aren’t doing the work either but its crazy out there… It’s so shitty, especially when you are genuinely trying to cultivate a relationship of substance, so many of us have collected so much relational trauma by this age that can be challenging to push to the side even through doing the work. But alas, I’m looking forward to reading the rest of your series.”

Synthetic is simple

“I sent it to a mate. His response: that’s why I got a flesh light. I had to google that one.”

Standards

“So good!! Is it bad that I’m far too blunt and it doesn’t even get to the point of a situationship? Nope you’re not it. No second date for you. But in all seriousness, when did being ambitious and knowing what you want become a bad thing?”

Sorry

“Well just let u know your blog just made me cry haha. In a world of full of temptation and vices, I hope to find the one who appreciates care and honesty a reverent attitude towards each other.”

Knight to H3

“I think it resonates within a certain demographic. I’ve had a pint or two at chess club and to be completely candid, while I can resonate with it to an extent, and forgive me for my succinctness, I think the driving mentality reflects a lack of accountability and self reflection and a “why is this happening to me” approach to dating as opposed to a “why is this happening and what has been my role in that” approach. Of course, there are avoidant people and it’s within reason that described situations have been prodded and talked about and so on and so forth but on first reading my questions would be: was there an environment of communication? Are you lot just going on dates and engaging in intimacy (physical or otherwise) without actually getting to know each others minds? Is there a direct line? Why is this gendered at the end? In short of course ghosting / schtipping happens and it can just happen to people but we are also accountable for the environments we place ourselves in and curate.”

Blame the Apps

“I have unfortunately been a schtipper and it is 100% either because there is this weird fear of if I communicate exactly what I want or need I’m too pushy or will scare people away or just it’s an easy out, which is horrible! It’s strange that being more open and honest is still such a novel thing, but I think the dating apps have definitely added to it”

Wanting More

“I feel like what you have expressed is not something I have ever heard from a guy so you’re not shy to delve into things. Having been in a few situationships myself and always on the side of wanting more than the other person but never being confident enough to actually say my feelings and thoughts and discuss where this is going and ultimately I end up in this weird stage of wanting to keep things with the other person going regardless if it fulfils my needs rather than rocking the boat. I find this so refreshing and like actually gives me some confidence 😂 I feel like for a situationship to tip into something more you have to be able to have these open discussions and get real and not be afraid to be open. I find im just scared of what the other person may think or say (I don’t like confrontation). But things can’t progress if you are not open to showing yourself to someone and not just being a version you think they’d like because if you don’t how do you know if your compatible and can fit into each others lives?”

Situ-Cyclist

“I like your take, I feel as though the unfortunate next stage after situationships is rarely moving past first/second dates. I did a year or two of the situationship cycle and now I’m too wary of them for my own good! Potentially some maturation/refinement in what you’re looking for but also fear.”

Take It or Leave It

“I don't need to read your blog, I view situationships as not great 🤣*. I was in one before covid (even though it wasn't defined as situationships in 2019). And it ended when I said to the guy, if you don't want a relationship I am going to see other men. (So date more than one person at a time) didn't like that idea, so it came to an end* 🤣😅”

Over-Communicator

“I am possibly too much of a communicator when it comes to dating, and it can scare people off occasionally. I’m also very affectionate regardless of the type of relationship so often casual dating leads to misunderstanding too and people end it assuming I’m lying about my intentions.

I trust that my person exists and I’ll meet them at the right time. Though the fear of the biological clock is definitely not helping and I’m only 28!

It’s reassuring to know there are men out there who are emotionally capable and intelligent. It’s beautifully written.”

Friends with Emotional Dependency

“I am not overly experienced (thankfully lol) however fun and fleeting in the beginning. But eventually you start thinking about the future.

To be honest, I agreed to stay friends with my situationship and it of course affected the dynamic. That friendship ended. My time and energy is important so I need someone to meet me where I am.

But yes, we did reach a point where we both questioned where the relationship was going. And we cared enough about each other to stay friends but ultimately it just didn’t work.”

Data In / Data Out

“My experience is that I have learnt to speak up before it gets to situationship territory. I think that situationships generally are borne out of unclear boundaries intentions, fear of speaking up and lack of communication.

Relationships work the same as data — the better the data going in, the better the data going out. So if we make sure that we are clear in what we want, then we are more likely to obtain a relationship that is aligned with that intention.”

Ironic Beings

“I think people almost always experience both. And that’s what makes it ironic— because even though we’ve experienced it ourselves we still do it to the other people.”

Road Trip

I really think honesty is the only way to enjoy life — the tricky bit is most people aren’t very practiced in feeling their feelings & also then putting them into words. it takes a willingness to be present & stay with your own experience, then the courage to feel it, understand it, and express it in relationship. So you’re right, most people don’t know how to have a conversation. I told one of my previous situationship partners that to me, dating/relating is like being in a car together on a road trip. and instead of throwing me out of the car when he was having big feelings, i said maybe we could slow down the car, change directions, even get out of the car, but definitely not throw each other out of the car.

YNWA

I think I found a bit of solace in the fact that my experiences aren’t unique. There seems to be a bit of a universal relationship arc when it comes to stuff like that. But I do disagree that men aren’t usually the ones to do the ‘schtipping’!! Just from my experiences…

‘Shitting his pants’

“Look, that is so beautifully written & articulated. And very interesting perspective. More than happy to have a chat about it. So ask away Reuben. And refreshing from some of the conversations on here. There’s literally a bloke in my messages, who’s replied to one of my prompts about “what makes you feel like a little kid” which his response was shitting his pants. I’ll also say that as little faith as I have in this app, I am here to find something meaningful & if you’re just doing research for your work I rate that & happy to chat still. But would appreciate if I knew that upfront to avoid any wires being crossed”

Post-Traumatic-Schtip-Disorder

“My perspective on situationships are that majority of the time they cause immense psychological damage as one usually wants more and stays out of low self worth, self value and low self esteem, and the other usually wants to stay non committal due to the other either not being end game or they aren’t emotionally available for commitment but still craves intimacy. Very rarely are both on the same page where the situationship is a healthy dynamic. My experience directly correlates with my perspective - so I don’t do situationships as they rarely stay as they started.”

The Exorcist

“Well Reuben, it took 15 years for my last relationship to reach the schtipping point, so I have a slightly different perspective. The idea of ghosting in 2009 probably meant you need an exorcism versus a shoulder to cry on.”

Some guy on the internet

“I think modern dating apps encourage this idea of low stakes. Unmatching or blocking makes it so easy to just remove someone from your digital presence with minimal fuss. I'm trying to see the hopeful side. Intentional dating still exists and I hope we both find what we're looking for. Or at the very least, we get to have thoughtful reflections on well written blogs with good looking strangers on the internet. Have a lovely night Reuben.”

Schmagic Carpet

“I've managed to avoid them because I I just think they're awful for everyone involved. The thought of casual dating has its time and place, but relationships are what a lot of people are after. I just think situationships fill this like really shit part in the middle where you kind of act like you're in a relationship but either both parties or one party is too scared to put a label on it. So yeah I'm really not a fan. I think that it just does really bad things to people's psyche because you don't really feel like you can 100% trust the thing or the person that you're seeing because you're never really sure if they're gonna pull the rug from underneath you.”

Wasted Weeknights

“My take is just that ppl (rightly or wrongly) think it easier to break things off if they realise it's not long term if they never full committed in the first place so so bounce in and out/breadcrumb ect to keep people around. But then it's sad to have something end that had potential that was never explored so your sad about loss in potential (probably be different to what it actually would have been in reality). and your not technically allowed to be sad because it was never anything in the first place. Also classic time sunk cost fallacy.”

Hungover with THOUGHTS

“I haven't read your blog because I'm a little bit hung over. I really can't even understand how to navigate hinge right now. But my understanding of situationships, never been in one. It's like a lot of factors. One, it's people that don't even have self-worth. People are lost in this generation, people are not even in touch with any form of religion, spirituality. So they're just very lost, low-frequency souls that don't know like their own self-worth. And the thing is like if you want to be treated in a certain way, you actually have to be at that vibrational frequency to be able to attract someone. And you also have to have those standards. If you don't have certain standards for yourself habits and you just have a bunch of bad habits, then that's how you form into those low performing relationships. And that's essentially what a situationship is. It's basically just people having sex, right? And not wanting to put any commitment on it, which doesn't even make sense. And not only that, but also If you're attracted to multiple partners at the same time, in my personal opinion, it doesn't even make any sense because you should really only have like a small group of people that really fit what your ideal is. So if you don't know what your ideal is, then you don't even know who you are. You're just into generically everyone, and there's no way that you can have a deep connection with someone if it's just a situationship. There's clearly no feelings involved because if you have feelings then you would want to be in a committed partnership. Um and you would also learn like um self-constraint, right? Like you wouldn't indulge in those habits if you had self-constraint for yourself, but it's showing that you don't have it at all. And the other thing is I think people tend to go into situationships that have these personalities in modern day as well is because a lot of our rules are broken, like the woke culture made people think that we should just be accepting of everything so now we don't have standards because we think oh we should just allow it we should just allow everything um and also because there's so much stuff in our generation that makes people have an instant release of dopamine like short-term ramification, whether that's social media or pornography, um addiction to drugs or whatever. People do tons of that stuff. And then their dopamine receptors are damaged and then that's why they don't have the ability to concentrate for long-term things and also why they're probably not interested in long-term partnerships because they get bored, and that they want a situationship, so that they have the flexibility of being with multiple people because yeah they they constantly need a fix of dopamine or attention or something else.”

Eye contact

“Great article, well done! Very niche but painfully real haha. I’m firmly team ‘chat before you schtip’, but I seem to date guys who skip the chat and just… fade. So yes, I have thoughts 😇

Biggest frustration is I’ve never had someone say ‘I don’t see a future with you’ directly. I’m always the one who ends it or quietly walks away when their energy shifts. I’d 100% rather someone looked me in the eye and said it. I think that’s the real courage piece missing nowadays. I think as a woman who’s had to become very independent, inner peace means more to me than being “chosen” by someone who can’t say what they actually want. Clarity feels kinder now, even if it ends things. As someone who shitipped and tipped, I found it sometimes women fall for the illusion of what the other person can be, not who they are right now. it’s the validation and trauma pattern that are driving our behaviors. We focus a lot on what ifs instead of what is actually happening. tbh im sure there are good times that make the situationship or a dysfunctional relationship work, but at the same time, no one is truly loved or cared for. Maybe it is just like quitting a job, see your own value, walk away from a job that’s paying the bill but has no prospects then move on.”

Too Many Flavours

“This was insightful to say the least. I will admit I got a little lost in the analogies but the overall message stuck. Wish I saw this last week, would have saved some emotional labour I had to do yesterday 😅

To add, I think it’s also down to the fact that with modern dating there is just so much more choice that people have, it’s like when they realise something isn’t going to work, they can just move on the the next match. Real life starts mirroring digital life where the swipe that rejects becomes the message/voice note/ghosting that lets you go. It emboldens emotional crumbing, ‘give multiple people little bits until I figure out which one I want’ rather than putting in any effort and time to actually have meaningful conversations.

You get judged by how you show up in a message which is a question about one thing but is actually a sneaky way for them to judge you as a person by your answer rathe than have a proper conversation about what both your points of view are on the topic”

No Gray Boys

“I actually really resonated with your take, especially the part about assumptions vs alignment. For me, I’m at a place in life where I’m not interested in gray areas. I know exactly where I’m going, and I want someone who can match that clarity. The Schtipping Point only really happens when people aren’t on the same page early on… so I just don’t entertain anything that isn’t intentional.

I have a big rule where I am not intimate with someone unless there is commitment and I try not to get too emotionally involved until a conversation has been had about intention and future commitment etc

GC/Bris dating pool is not too great. Everyone’s slept with everyone. Even if you meet a guy you potentially like, he’s slept with one of your best friends or has history with someone you know. Everything is messy.

I also feel as though people see others as easily disposable. They genuinely believe that connections are abundant and will keep coming. It’s probably why there’s so many men still alone at 40+, still waiting for that perfect woman that doesn’t exist.

I had an intense experience with someone mid year and it felt like we had known each other forever, we met through business and from the moment we first laid eyes on each other, there was a weird connection and pull towards each other. I broke my intimacy rule.. however it didn’t feel like it was our first time, almost like we were coming home to each other. He called me a familiar stranger and said he’s never felt so comfortable and at home with someone he barely knows. Then he was avoidant, moved to Sydney and we stopped speaking. I think that sums up dating. Even when people feel something real, they retreat, out of fear, maybe? Or perhaps out of the chance that they might stumble across someone better? A lot of people operate on whether someone looks good on paper, they focus on the surface level “will they fit into my life and look good on my arm” they just don’t go off emotion and true connection which leads them to this situation:

I have an ex from when I was 20, whom is now married with a daughter, lives in London now and he still finds ways to message me and beg to see me one day, no matter how many times I turn him down or block his new numbers or other social media accounts. He tells me he loved me and that he always wondered what life would be like with me even to this day. I believe a lot of men and sometimes women will just choose a person who looks good on paper, that’s why they’re too busy screening who fits into their life or not, when in reality we should be going off energy and connection. The rest can come later, the life path, shared and individual goals etc When you have true passion, energy and connection with someone, everything else falls into place. People are too analytical with dating, we need to let go and just feel”

A metaphor for life

“I finished reading your blog and agree on your take of situationships, but I don't think it only applies to situationships. I think it can also be applied to all stages of relationships. Your main point on communication and how we should chat before is what everyone should do but don't or hesitant to become because maybe I guess they lack because of the lack of emotional security, you know, having these deep conversations which require you to articulate their intentions, future life goals and values and how it might align with yours. But I think casual dating is a side effect these days. People aren't emotionally secure enough to have these uncomfortable, vulnerable conversations, so it's easier to ghost or deliver a vague breakup text. But then I also think, while communication might seem like the solution, comprehension is just as important. You can have these conversations, lay everything out, and the Schtipper can still decide to leave, even when the Schtippe thought they were on the same page, because even the best communication doesn't guarantee a shared understanding.”

Mirror Schmirror

“Hahahah a good writer with good instincts 🙏🏼 It’s great piece - very personal. It’s nice to see the other side’s perspective (the male). I’m (obviously) a bit older than you - last time I was single there were no apps/swiping (well it just started). It feels to me that social media and apps now give this sense of finding something ‘better’ and there is less emphasis on longevity in the zeitgeist. Such a fear of commitment and giving up one’s ‘freedom’. Though, another take on it, is that the situationship/Schtip as a reflection of the self, like a mirror, and the work needed to on oneself …. (or myself- without being too intense)”

The Formula Does Not Exist

I agree that the discussion's important. I think it's critical to any relationship, both intimate and professional. Like if you don't communicate and talk and figure out what you want and what you don't want from perhaps the outset it lays an inappropriate or inaccurate representation or foundation if you will. But I don't agree with the formula that you have tried to articulate in your blog post. There is no formula to dating. It's a fluid process where two parties can do whatever they want and however they want. I mean, so long as the parties discuss, which I agree with you on that point, about where it's going or where it's headed, but it doesn't need to be so rigid and formulated. It can be whatever you want it to be. And it also kind of suggests that you have a quite negative outlook on dating, which is unfortunate because it doesn't need to be that way. It can be whatever, like, genuinely. You you're you the parties can be guided on whatever they want. And it can be as kind and respectful and intentional as you want it to be. There's no formula per se. That's just my thought.

Caveman Theory

“So point number one. You said that you think that men in your experience are less likely to do the tip And I'm quite curious to what your data sample size is for this. Was it just one? Is this based off your own behavior and experience or other men's as well? And then I have a question on that. You as a man. If you think that you're less likely to tip, is it because if you don't see a clear direction or a future with someone, are you more inclined to just let it sort of play out? Maybe see where it goes, have fun, even if you know that it's not perfect but quite right. Or do you think that you haven't tipped in the past because you could genuinely see potential futures with all of these past situationships?”

“And then on top of that, I think to bring in some evolutionary psychology. Back in the Caveman times, when you think about it, all the research says that when it came to mate choice, women were the ones that were actually the people to select and they chose the male partners and like it would usually be based on things like what protection and strength and ability to defend them, uh, resource acquisition, like were they a good hunter, could they provide food or even health and genetics? And so like is the male partner healthy strong? Can he provide good genes for their kids? And I think that while women are probably much more self-sufficient now than back in the caveman times, I wonder sometimes if there's still a faint thread of that that kind of plays out in modern dating. Like in terms of women being perceived as the ones that have the choice. And so you've said that it's men's lack of biological clock ticking perhaps, so that maybe you're not So quick to tip, but could it also be that men are maybe more inclined to just kind of go with the flow if they have been, let's say, like chosen or selected by a woman? I don't know. What do you think?”

Delayed Tip

“So my data has shown in the past that men are actually the ones that are more likely to Schtip, but the caveat around that is that they actually take longer to do it. So between like six and twelve months compared to, I think you said around one month for you. And your experience with women. But I also think that when men do it, it's not so much out of incompatibility, but probably more out of fear. So it could be like fear of commitment or vulnerability or even the fear of being deeply and truly seen by another human and having all of the imperfections exposed. Because I've had people say to me before that they thought that they were imperfect or broken or faulty in some sort of way and that it was only going to be a matter of time before I discovered this and then chose to leave them because of it. Which like me hearing this like that's totally fucking wild made me feel misunderstood because that's also not how I think or how I would behave because if someone came to me and said they were struggling with something I'd be like okay cool Let's sit down, let's talk through it, let's work out a way that we can actually tackle it as a team. So maybe they think that it's just better to cut and run before they get hurt, but then also that starts to like completely venture into avoidant territory.”

Grazie

“I know that I got a lot out of reading your piece and I am dying for part two. When is it being released? Please release it soon. I can't wait. Um, but yeah, it gave me hope in realising that there are emotionally available men out there who want real depth and vulnerability and connection. Oh, and also for the record, your drive and ambition won't intimidate or create distance. it will actually be inspiring and motivating and hot as fuck for the right person. So just keep being you. You're doing a great job at it.”

The Consultant

Hey Reuben,

Hope you’re ready for some reading!

Can’t really believe I wrote this to someone I don’t even know, but once I started journaling the ideas kept flowing.

A bit of background - I’ve been off an on hinge for a little while and have also been in a situationship, that lasted far too long, and in which I eventually became the schtipee.

My thoughts are that there are some key things that play into the situationship, and ultimately the schtipping point:

The idea of someone: What I mean by this is the projection of what one wants onto the person in front of them. This is in opposition to the rational mind that removes emotion and withholds judgement to accept the person who actually stands in front of them.

As humans, our existence is built on a constant cycle of, anticipation, prediction and reaction. We project the image of the partner we want (either consciously or subconsciously) onto the other.

And we do this without asking ourselves, or them, the hard questions about whether we know what we want in a relationship. And then, even if we have done the work to ask ourselves that, and unpack everything within the answer to that, we are still left with the final question: does the person in from of us tick all those boxes?

Which leads us to my next point.

Not knowing what we want: Most people think they want a relationship, but when it comes to actually being in one - to spend the time and effort to relate to another - they don’t. They want the idea of it, sure. Someone to spend time with on Sunday afternoons, someone to book a spontaneous trip away with when work gets too much, someone to take to their friends wedding… it all looks nice on the surface.

But when it gets to the tricky parts like being vulnerable,  sharing how you feel, communicating what you want, listening to the other when they share what they want, listening especially when it might not be what you want to hear. Well then, they don’t.

Communication: Borne out of the two above, the schtipper believes it’s better to just end things in a message or a voice note rather than expose themself to the vulnerability of a conversation. A decision to ‘get out’ is seen as easier than a conversation to ‘figure it out’.

Because figuring it out is messy. Being vulnerable takes courage. Dealing with emotions is hard. Especially someone else’s.

And so, in the uncertainty of it all, it feels easier to say no than to lean into the possibility of yes.

It’s a protective mechanism. Protecting the heart from the possibility of one day breaking, and protecting the mind from the weight of carrying someone else’s feelings.

The illusion of options: In a world where there is always another swipe, another profile to view, another DM to be read or sent, there is seemingly an abundance of options. The saying there are plenty more fish in the sea suddenly seems quite real as every time you open a dating app, you can quite literally see the fish (well not fish, people, but you get it).

The paradox of choice rears its head, leaving  us with higher expectations, less likely to be satisfied with what’s in front of us, and an intense fear of making the wrong decision.

And now comes the opportunity cost.

The deception of time: The obsession over time, and specifically time running out, becomes the final nail in the coffin. The underlying pressure of hitting a series of made up milestones which society and our friends and family tell us are important becomes the last input into the schtipping point .

Why “waste time” being uncertain and sitting in the discomfort of not knowing when you can so easily end things and move onto the next one? You could be spending time thinking about the schtipping point when you could be starting something more hopeful with someone else.

So where does this leave us? How do we smooth or seed the schtipping point?

I think we have to go back to the beginning, and that starts with ourselves.  With the introspection and doing the work to actually understand who we are and what we want. Then with the intention to see it through with someone else, and the courage to stick with it when it inevitably gets hard. And then of course communication. That’s what underpins it all. Having the courage to start a conversation, even when you think it’s the end.

Anyway! That was a lot haha. But it’s something I’ve spent a fair bit of time thinking about. Let me know if you have any further thoughts!

The Consultant reiterates an important point, how can we Schtip with courage not cowardice?

Which leads me to the chapter in this affair, perhaps more practical than poetic…

Notes from the edge of intimacy part 2: ‘Schtip or Schtick?’

Where a couple of Type-As attempt to reverse engineer… love.

This can only end well.

Stay tuned.

-Reuben